Her sobs were louder than the cacophony of metal parts slamming against each other as our train sped southwards heading for San Diego. She just got off her phone and in between sobs she explained that she got a phone call from her mom saying her brother passed away.
Hearing her cry and talk about her loss made me remember my own. The long train ride seemed shorter as she kept talking and sobbing at the same time. She was behind me and I couldn't see her face yet I could feel her pain. The lady beside her kept on talking and disrupting her to a point that I wanted to stop her, for I know there are no words to comfort her grief... and I know how it hurts to lose someone you love...
I wanted to tell her that I was exactly in her shoes two months ago when my father died... to hear her loss transported me back to that moment. I leaned towards the window trying to control the thoughts reeling in my head. I was ready to burst into tears but instead my eyes focused on the picturesque southern California sunset. It made me remember what my sister told me when I had a crying spell with her. She shared with me what the priest said in his homily using the sunset as a metaphor for death. Seeing the sun slowly disappear into the Pacific made me realize the profound meaning of the metaphor. The train ride home made me see the sun as it was slowly being tucked in... behind the cliffs and slowly beyond the horizon... its crimson rays gave a subtle warmth so comforting on a chilly November night... until it faded away and night fell.
The truth is that's how I feel about my father's passing... I was by him as he lay in bed in a deep sleep for 20 days, heavily breathing, tirelessly holding on to life, which gave us hope. Until his breathing became faint and he quietly passed away. But amidst all the pain, my siblings and I saw the beauty of my mom's unending love. She sent him off with prayers and promises and whispers that only the two of them could understand. Their vow "til death do us part" in our eyes came alive... plus the six of us siblings had time to spend together, a very rare occurrence as we have our busy lives spread out over two continents with a time difference of 12 to 16 hours. But we all came home. We bonded together, comforting each other and promising Papa that we will take care of Mama... and of each other ...
My family also had the opportunity to visit Papa in the hospital. My husband and 3 kids were able to come home, fulfilling a promise that they would come back and visit... and if there's a good thing about this is seeing how my Papa was loved and respected by family and friends. The extra care and attention that his medical team and the nuns running the hospital gave him, the constant influx of people showing up and sharing with us stories of how my Papa touched their lives and how they would come to him to seek his advice... simple gestures that gave us comfort. During the wake, people came with food... oh food, glorious food that I couldn't even count the calories I was eating... and how it was so comical even in between sobs, I would manage to eat and chew at the same time. I thought that was a skill, haha.
No one is prepared to face the loss of a loved one, especially a parent. I wasn't. I'm not even going to explain to you the pain of losing him. And so I struggle and I begin to make things better. Slowly. I am accepting that he is gone yet learning to immortalize him in the precious memories he left behind, the wisdom that he shared and the beauty of the life he lived.
This morning as the sun crept slowly in our room, I knew that another day is dawning... I remember my Papa would listen to his praise songs at dawn, closing his eyes, grateful that another day is here. He woke up every morning with a prayer and looked forward to a new day..... you would hear him cajole my Mama to wake up and cheerfully greet her "Good Morning 'Mi" like it was their first morning together. And if you didn't wake up on the right side of the bed, don't even dare show it to him, he will not be pleased, and you will hear him lecture you on the importance of having a good disposition in the morning. I'm glad that this morning I'm in a good mood, something that he will be glad to see... and especially if I had this breakfast spread for him... I can hear him say his usual compliment, "DABADABEST!".
Please refer to my old post Let's Talk Breakfast wherein I discussed the components of what SILOG breakfast is all about. For those who are familiar, this homemade tocino will surely perk your breakfast table... so let's begin
1 lb Pork thinly sliced (butterfly slices)
Cooking Sherry Wine
Sugar (add according to taste but I used about 1/3 c)
3 cloves of Garlic (minced)
Sea Salt (recommended that you use sea salt) add to taste but I used 3/4 tbsp
Black Pepper to taste
Red food coloring (optional) I used annato powder instead
Mix all the wet ingredients and marinate the pork overnight. If short on time, you can also marinade it just before cooking.
In a pan, put the marinated pork (with marinade) and add 1/4 c of water. Let it simmer until it's reduced and the sugar is beginning to caramelize. Add a spoonful of cooking oil to cook it further. My family wants it a little burnt on the sides but I leave it up to you... Voila, you're ready to enjoy a glorious breakfast.
It's best served with garlic rice and sunny side up eggs, with sliced tomatoes and spicy vinegar for dipping.
In order to get the authentic look of tocino, I added red food coloring. It doesn't add any flavor, but I was content that I got the reddish look that tocinos are known for.