It never fails to amaze me how my parents start their day early in the morning, nestled at the corner of their room, each with a cup of coffee, chatting intently. They are so engaged with their conversation and you could tell that they truly enjoy each other’s company. They still do that up to now… over 46 years and counting. And their claim to everyone is that they never fight, and we their kids are witnesses to that. Mom would lovingly serve my dad his meals and my dad has always had praises for my mom. If their relationship was a symphony, it would be in perfect harmony. This for me is a marriage made in heaven.
Does my marriage fit under this category? Well maybe not, but what my husband Chi and I share can be best described as a “beautifully imperfect” marriage. While it’s true that some marriages are much like my parents, I believe that in most marriages, you have to work hard at it just to keep it going, and work even harder to make married life ideal. By taking the ever- obsessed -about “perfection” out of the equation and accepting each other’s imperfections, we can transform our differences into sweet imperfections.
Chi and I are different in so many ways. Ok fine, actually, we are very different. He likes listening to “who-knows-what kind of genre this music is”/alternative music, while I love to listen to smooth jazz and mainstream music. In his down time, he loves to listen to his music positioning himself at the center of both speakers. And while he is in an almost meditating state, I could tell him anything and all I get is a nod or a smile. It’s like my signal to stay away and give him his space. He is a bit shy and reserved while I like to go out and meet people. When we’re with other people, I usually do most of the talking. I would see his eyes roll whenever I mutter something outside of his comfort zone. Later, he would tell me: “Love, that was T.M.I. (too much information)” and I would beg to disagree saying “I was just sharing!”
Lately, we started to follow an exercise regimen, and he would rather use the treadmill while I prefer to walk around the neighborhood. I tell him to enjoy the San Diego weather, but he insists in going to the gym. At the dinner table, he would talk passionately about science to the kids while I talk about my latest dish or my newest business idea… but yes we would laugh at how different we truly are from each other.
There was a painting in our dining room a few years ago that we both loved. It was a painting of a basket full of fruits, I liked the vibrant hues of the yellow bananas, the red apples and oranges. I fell in love with the intensity of the colors… and his comment? “I love the black background and the shadows, very calming“. We both appreciated the art work… but we laughed at how different our views were.
Today, there are several reasons for us to celebrate - a birthday to enjoy and blessings to be thankful for. The dish I prepared is Pork Roast in Black and White. When I reached for the hoisin sauce and the garlic for the pork roast, I was struck by the stark contrast in color, how different these two ingredients are… black and white… but with this contrast, the two ingredients complemented each other, bringing a dish that turned out to be oh-so-delish.
This has made me reflect that even though the relationships we are in are never perfect, and no matter how different we are from our spouses or partners, we could still get it together and celebrate each other’s uniqueness, and as Tim Gunn of Project Runway would say, to “Make it work!”
Pork Roast in Black and White
(this recipe is under the category: unbelievably easy..lol!)
3 lbs. Pork Roast
10 cloves garlic minced
3 tbsp Hoisin sauce
In a bowl, mix the hoisin sauce together with the minced garlic. Brush the mixture generously on to the roast. Cover the roast with foil and bake it at 375F. Remove cover after 1.5 to 2 hours. Add more hoisin and garlic mixture at this point. Bake for another 30 minutes or until it's fully cooked. Let it stand to cool then serve sliced. Garnish with green onions and toasted sesame seeds. ENJOY!!!